Unfortunately, Radar, I'm fresh out of gold stars

You’re pregnant.

It obviously wasn’t planned.

I don’t care if someones talking about you because of it.

I really don’t care that you bought it “Baby’s first toon kit”.

There was no fucking need to change your middle name to DaddyToBe or MammyToBe.

Get the fuck off my friends list.

I used to love this thing

Matthew - “At the hockey there was some bloke in tears singing the national anthem”

Me - “What a tit”

Matthew - Yeah, I’d understand if it was an international but it’s the Sheffield Steelers!”

Me - “I still wouldn’t understand”

Matthew - “Why?”

Me - “Because it’s fucking shit! Why can’t we have a decent one like yours?”

Matthew - “Haha yeah, ours is pretty good!”

On a related note I need to go to the Motorpoint Arena and watch them. Sick of staying up and watching the Chicago Blackhawks on a stream.

Francis Maude’s publicly funded pension is £43,825 a year with a pot of £731,883
David Cameron’s publicly funded pension is £32,978 a year with a pot of £550,725
George Osborne’s publicly funded pension is £32,978 a year with a pot of £550,725
Nick Cleggs’s publicly funded pension is £28,404 a year with a pot of £440,000
Eric Pickles’ publicly funded pension is £43,825 a year with a pot of £731,883
Vince Cable’s publicly funded pension is £39,551 a year with a pot of £660,507
Andrew Lansley’s publicly funded pension is £39,551 a year with a pot of £660,507
Danny Alexander’s publicly funded pension is £26,404 a year with pot of £440,942